I felt inspired to write down a few of my thoughts this evening and share them with all of you.
Truth be told, I am going through a heavy time and while I sometimes feel lost inside, I’m so blessed to have people around me who can center my thoughts once more and bring order to my ever racing mind. I think of many people, but specifically, my God and my wife Ashely have been that anchor.
Back when I was a missionary in the Philippines I felt more in touch with God, my emotions, and simply life. It was a beautiful time of re-birth, a true and honest reset and lesson learning time.
It’s been 5 years now since the Philippines and I feel like each time I hit one of my “slumps” that it enables me to look at “me” in the past and make more sense of “me” in the present and future. These “slumps” are something I used to call episodes, which is funny in a way because it makes it sound more mentally unstable than the word “slump”, but I think I feel more in control now, so that’s why I call them “slumps”. Needless information for you, my reader? I am unsure… Now on with my story…
There is still pain along almost every step as I go through my slumps, but now, more than ever, I can see 2 things: 1) I’m still as scared as I was when I was a kid (I’m still a 26 yr old kid), and 2) I know how to allow that fear drive me to a point of brokenness that brings me face-down in the dirt asking God for help.
If you ask me, there’s no better place to be than face-down in the dirt, 100% self-aware of how weak our human-ness really is.
I remember the summer before I went to the Philippines I was working for someone who I honestly thought had no moral compass and it discouraged me so much. I used to, in some ways, look up to that person. Long story short, I was brought to tears on several of those summers days and needed some kind of release. Fear-full for my path ahead, I was driven to my face in prayer and plea before God for several evenings. One morning, as I walked across the pasture from where I was staying (I had no car). The summer mist of the morning was still rising and the dew was soaking my shoes. I knew it would probably be a terrible day, but I suddenly started singing hymns that I hadn’t heard since I was back in grade school. I remember almost laughing and crying because I knew that God had touched a part of my brain with His finger to bring me that moment in time, all alone, no one around, happy. The joy in my heart was found because of one thing and one thing only — I knew that I had a father in heaven who loved me more than I could ever express in words, art or song. I knew that my plan, destiny, and purpose were etched in stone by the same fingers that designed fission, the sun, the planetary bodies, and even my DNA down the way I laugh.
While negativity has the potential to sink even the mightiest of hearts, positivity will always and forever be the reigning victor.
You see, negativity is short-term and Positivity… Well, it’s long-term.
Think about that. While we all suffer on this earth, it’s but a sliver in time compared to eternity after, and I believe that 100%. The evil powers of this world would have you to believe there is no escape, but positivity is and always be our freedom… your freedom.
What’s more than mere positivity? Simply, Love. Because you see… perfect love casts out all fear.
